A look

I’m at the hospital waiting for my finger stick (they do this before chemo to make sure your counts are ok) and a woman around my age just looked at me so I smiled at her… Her look back to me wasn’t super friendly and I wanted to bawl my eyes out. I feel so unattractive and out of sorts already interactions like that make me want to lose my mind…

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20 Responses to A look

  1. lars192 says:

    Some people just have bad attitudes. Screw them if they can’t smile back.

  2. Nancy says:

    Eff her, she’s a bitter Betty. Try to focus and remember the nice people, like the man at the vegetable/fruit stand. xo

  3. Jessica says:

    I’m sorry that you took that girl’s look to heart, because I’m sure it does not equal that you are unattractive. You are beautiful. Really. And plus, it pays to remember, that that girl was in Sloan after all and maybe she had been waiting for 4 hours already (it could happen) and the look probably had nothing at all to do with you.

    But of course you are out of sorts as you say and crap like that could throw you off — you’re spending every bit of your energy getting through your day and have absolutely no extra tin the tank to deal with the everyday junk that gets thrown at all of us. No one could expect you to. I’d just offer that if possible, you should try to fall back on the real belief that you are fabulous – smart, sensitive, funny, gorgeaus (bald or with hair), loving and lovely. If you remember that, hopefully those dirty looks will lose a little bit of their power.

  4. Tracy Deitrick says:

    I love you, Jen. If I were in that room I would give you a smile…..and then some

  5. Patrick says:

    Saying a prayer for you right now and also throwing your cancer into a giant trash bin outside. Happy, golden light is shining your way! Love you so much and hope your day goes smoother. Sorry to hear what’s happening and wish I was there to hang out and help out. Love you babe. Call me or reach out anytime! xoxoxo

  6. Nicole says:

    I know we haven’t met but I follow your blog daily and you are FAR from unattractive. I’ve sent your blog and One Life page to many people and they are all so moved by it. You are really a lot of people’s heroes right now. You can’t take these actions to heart so much. Who knows what is going on in that woman’s head. Maybe she is jealous because you are too pretty! Next time someone gives you a funny look start yelling at them 🙂

  7. Alyssa says:

    Want me to punch her for you? I totally could. Plus I have really strong hands from massage. 😉

    …take care of yourself, and I hope to see you next week.

  8. Sasha says:

    Screw her. She probably couldn’t deal with how gorgeous you are. Seriously, I know you don’t feel it but just last night I was looking at some of Ange’s recent photos of you and thinking: She is so so beautiful…. But I totally understand feeling hurt by other people’s lack of friendliness or outright rudeness. Especially where there is absolutely no reserve, so to speak. You’re doing everything you can to get through each minute. That takes so much energy. And Jessica has a great point, she’s probably pissed at how long she’s had to wait or anticipates waiting for her oncologist. In fact, today is Friday. I bet she’s Dr. Dang’s patient. She is often hours and hours late. You are one of the most beautiful people I know, inside and out. I love you.
    Oh and I’m around so call if you need ANYTHING. Seriously….

  9. Michelle says:

    You are beautiful…period..dot…end of story. What makes you more beautiful is the grace & dignity that’s part of your DNA & all the love that surrounds you. Don’t let anyone ever dull your shine:) xoxo

  10. Dianna Kamp says:

    Oh Jenny….some people are just dickweeds (haven’t used that word since high school but I felt it appropriate) and others you just catch at a bad moment…please keep on smiling at people…you never know who you may connect with and how lucky the world is to have the chance to have you as a friend….proud of you….love you….xoxo hug hug hug hug hug hugggg

  11. lu says:

    i absolutely hate when you have things like this happen to you. i am imagining that she is at home right now, writing on her blog…”i have been such a bitch lately. bitchy mcbitcherson. can’t seem to shake this cloud no matter what i do. just today, a lovely young woman smiled at me as we both waited at the hospital. she obviously has her own cancer shit to deal with, yet she was able to send a smile my way today. and what did i do? nothing. crap. i suck. i am forcing an attitude adjustment tomorrow. beautiful lady who smiled at me today? thanks for being the bright spot of my day, even if you’ll never know it, you’ve made an impact in my life…” keep smiling jenny. you never know who’s waiting for you… i love you…

  12. Laura says:

    Jealous dumb bitch. Jealous of you grace, strength and beauty in the face of such adversity. Dumb in that she didn’t appreciate the value of your amazing smile, nor did she understand the power of her own expressions. I am sorry she hurt you, I don’t think she had a clue. You deserve better! I choose to believe Lu is right, and she is kicking herself for being so insensitive. And if not, I will come up and kick that bitch’s ass! Nobody messes with my sister! Xoxo

  13. Alicia says:

    Here’s the plan…I’ll send Connor up to you for 2 reasons. #1 He will remind you out of the blue and all on his own that Aunt Jenny is so pretty. The follow it up with “kiss hug kiss hug” as he likes to say now having learned what xoxo means. #2 If anyone isn’t friendly or nice, he can use his newly achieved yellow belt in taekwondo to kick their ass. And be so damn proud of it! Love you!!!

  14. Anne Bickett says:

    Jenny,

    When my friends ask me how you are doing, I always tell them that you are the only person in the world who looks ravishingly beautiful with a bald head. Your eyes and smile are, as the poets sa,y the “mirror to your soul” – hence the beauty. I cannot pretend to know what you and Ange go through on a daily basis. I will tell you that my thoughts and prayers are always with you. You both have a permanent place in my heart, and we all ache for you. I guess you might call that empathy, a concept I have always tried to teach my students. Try to feel what that other person feels and treat them accordingly. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to male your journey easier becasue you know we will do it. God bless you both!

    Love,
    Aunt Anne

  15. Suzi says:

    You are ALWAYS beautiful! You amaze me with your beauty through all of this. I still remember the day I first met you at group. You were late and Roz sort of introduced us and I thought, what a gorgeous woman. And you were so nice to me. You all were. That is how women should be! Especially at a hospital! That woman clearly has issues. I’m sorry to hear about your scan results but as always, sending you lots and lots of love and positive healing thoughts.

  16. Jen,
    I had to laugh yesterday when my dad called you Jenny cuz (pun intended) because we remind eachother to vote daily. I am not the most “sensitive person” at times but I can say I choose to feel sympathy for those who address the world the way she did you. Mayber her spouse just left her, her dog died, who knows? It has to be a bit uncomfortable in general just sitting in that waiting room. You keep that smile going! Like your one friend said she may have felt like shit later when she thought about it. She is living in fear and you are facing it.
    xxoo, Lori

  17. Michelle says:

    Im sorry that small interaction affected you so deeply. I like to think it could have been what Lu and some others have said. Who knows what she’s dealing with and she might not have even notice what she did. And if in fact she is a bitty then I feel sorry for her that she an unpleasant person. But you my friend are such a lovely person who has touched so many with you grace and beauty.

  18. Amy says:

    I’m sure it had nothing to do with you. I remember being so scared when I saw my oncologist the first time and learned I was going to lose my hair. I past Sasha in the hall (didn’t know her at the time) and she smiled at me. I’m not sure how I responded, (probably did smile, but I’m from the Midwest) but it made me feel so warm inside to know that I wasn’t alone. With all your grace and beauty, there is no other way she could have felt.

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