Can you tell?

Can you tell that this is the face of a girl in a cancer center waiting room?Waiting to be seen by her therapist?While also awaiting a phone call, since this morning with PET/CT results from her oncologist?
Yesterday, today and a few days prior have been totally crap. Ange and I both have felt numb, anxious, and out of sorts.. The time spent waiting for test results is the worst..you second guess everything and become superstitious about everything you see and do.

So yesterday, I used the bathroom on the left, like I have a million times before and headed back to my therapists office, while keeping my phone tightly clenched in my hand so I wouldn’t miss the call.

It was perfect, in a way, that my doctor was going to call during my therapy session…however I was going to process it, I could do it with her…

At exactly 4:40pm my phone rang and it was my oncologist. She told me the preliminary results were in and although there aren’t any new spots in my liver,
the spots that are already there are more intense. She asked me if I was having pain in my hip or pelvis,…I said not really, and how would I know since I take the amount of painkillers I do. She asked me that because there are some new spots in that area and there are also previous spots that are showing up as more intense. She did also mention that they are a few areas that have remained stable, but because I was so caught up in the other stuff I forgot to ask her where those areas are.. Ange and I assume that its in my neck and possibly back, but we will find out for sure on Friday when we meet with her.

She said it is time time to switch chemo drugs, possibly a clinical trial, but we’ll figure that out on Friday as well.

I know that everyone has a lot of serious things going on in their lives but if you could take a moment and send us your very best thoughts…that would be beautiful…
xo

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20 Responses to Can you tell?

  1. Jessica says:

    Well, Jen, I can’t say I completely understand, but I know how you feel!

  2. Dianna Kamp says:

    Have a feeling you fell asleep…big big big hug – love you and hope you are having a peaceful week….let’s try to see each other this weekend xoxo

  3. Stephanie says:

    Hi Jen
    I thought I would get an update on things… I have this picture in my mind of you asleep at your computer. Kind of a sweet way to start my day! Thinking of you and sending love and hugs up to the UWS!!! XOXOX

  4. Katie Chery says:

    I hope you had a good night of sleep and dreams. Xxxooo

  5. lars192 says:

    Jen and Ange-Lots of people praying that they find the right chemo to stop this crap from going further. Sooooooooo many people care about you two. Keep your hopes up high. We can do this.

    Dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. Katie Chery says:

    I posted my earlier comment this morning before you had posted “Can you tell?” We’re all here for you, sending our love. I think Pat will continue to run over the cancer with his car. I’ll pay for the gas if he’ll do the driving. In the meantime, I’m stretching my arms all the way to NYC to give you a hug and will hold on as long as you’ll let me. Ditto lars192–we can do this!

    XXXOOO

  7. Michelle says:

    I ditto Dad and Katie. We are here and will be here supporting you and Ange. I’m also sending you massive, amazing, healing thoughts and love. You are so strong and my hero. I love you.

  8. Lisa says:

    Sending my absolute best, best, best, best thoughts to you and Angelo….

  9. Barbara says:

    No Jen, I can’t tell. Your face looks completely different than a girl waiting in the cancer center to talk to her therapist. Your face says I am a confident woman waiting to conquer what has been put in front of me. And you are – and you will. Everyone one of us is thinking positive thoughts for you everyday. I might let the day-to-day of life get in the way of telling you how much I think about you and letting you know that I send positive thoughts your way all the time but please know – I do. Whatever it takes, you will do. I don’t know Angelo but I know from what I see in the photographs he takes that he will help you. The rest of the world is here thinking the best thoughts possible and hoping you will call on us when you need.

  10. Catherine says:

    I am trying so hard to make telepathy work. I think that with all of the people who know and love you, it just might. I’m sending all of my best thoughts to you and to Ange. So is Josephine who just asked after you the other day. Love!

  11. Nancy says:

    No matter what else is going on, you are always on my mind. Sending you lots of love. Xo

  12. Stephanie says:

    Hey Jen, I just reread your blog from this afternoon, not the falling asleep one. I can’t get over the roller coaster that you have been on. I feel so blessed to know you and have you in my life. For whatever reason I find peace when I get to read these posts because I know I’m hearing exactly what’s going on. I hate what I’m reading about, but love supporting you and reading what you have to say. LOVE YOU JEN, so freaking much!!! xoxoxoxoxoxox

  13. Stephanie says:

    Jen and Angelo- Mountains of positive thoughts your way….

  14. Dianna Kamp says:

    Just read this….I’m so sorry about this new development – the only thing I can offer is a shoulder to lean/a hand to hold and an ear to listen to everything that is going on in your head and your heart….I love you very much….xoxoxo

  15. Sasha says:

    Jen, this is so scary. I wish you didn’t continually have to face such terror. I am here for you and Ange in any way I can be. I love you both tremendously.

  16. Niki says:

    Thinking of you both ALWAYS!!! xoxo Niki

  17. lu says:

    michael and i are right here with both of you…every minute of every day. you are definately not on this journey alone, though i’m sure it must be a very isolating experience. was so grateful for our conversation today. you and angelo are both doing such an amazing job when faced with such adversity. thank you for keeping us all with you on this journey. i am beyond grateful to be able to follow you here…it makes the distance a little less great. surrounding you with positive thoughts and more love than you can imagine…sleep well, my friend.

  18. mamerendino says:

    Jennifer you look strong & confident, you are so brave. Love to you & Angelo as always. xoxo

  19. Annika says:

    Sending so much love and true admiration. You are a badass and don’t every forget it.

  20. Alyce says:

    I think about you and pray for you everyday…many times a day. I know you don’t hear from me as often as you should. I guess I let the everyday stuff get in the way of that but the everyday stuff doesn’t get in the way of my thinking about you and praying for you. I went to my oncologist today and by blood pressure was elevated. I can’t even begin to imagine what you go through waiting for test results. It has to be hell. I love you and Ange so much. You both are an insiration to so many. Big hugs, kisses and positive thoughts to both of you.

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