Couldn’t catch my breath…

I was reading a note last night that someone sent me..I know they didn’t mean for it to come out the way it did, but as I read it, it made me go to places in my head that I always try to stay away from for fear of exactly what happened last night..I had a full-on tear-filled couldn’t catch my breath freak-out fest. What was said made me face everything I don’t want to…but for a few moments last night I did. The what ifs, the let’s do it nows..the why does anyone waste time on doing something wonderful now!! I was sobbing in bed, and sweet Ange was next to me stroking my bald head, wiping my tears, telling me he loved me, and that we are going to change the way we think about the what ifs. The what ifs will be the when will go?

The lesson in this is please think before you write…especially to someone who has stage 4 cancer. The lesson for us is that we turned it into a positive, even after all the tears…

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10 Responses to Couldn’t catch my breath…

  1. lars192 says:

    Awww Jen I feel so bad for you. Thank God for Angelo at times like this. He sure is an awesopme guy.

  2. Camille (Mom) says:

    Oh, honey, and Ange, honey, it hard for me to believe that people don’t fully consider what they are saying on THIS site. They are very likely those who are thinking how YOUR illness is affecting them and NOT how it affects you every day, every hour, every minute, every second. You know if I could I would put a bubble around that would only let uplifting comments in. Maybe last night was needed. I hope in the aftermath you are feeling less in your heavy load, both of you! Please remember we are here ALWAYS! I know I speak for all of our families (Merendinos’, Wises’, & Villanovas’). We give you both all the love your hearts can hold! XOXOXOX

  3. Sasha says:

    Ditto your Mom xo

  4. Suzi says:

    I really think we (the sisters) need to write a breast cancer etiquette book! People want so badly to help but they don’t know how. Or what to say.
    Thinking about you always and sending lots of love!

    • Janiece says:

      Good idea, Suzi. At this point, you can’t have too many. I bought a few copies of a cancer etiquette book to distribute when folks started driving me crazy with unsolicted bad advice. It put a strain on the frdship w the person who brought me to Sloan. That hurt, but hey, self-preservation is key and there is no substitute for the bonds formed with ppl who know what you’re going through.

      Jen, hang in there. You too, Ange. Remember that you are surrounded with ppl you love and care abt you. oxoxox

  5. Jessica says:

    Ugh, so sorry. You shouldn’t have to put up with anyone saying anything that causes you pain, even if it’s well meaning. I’d take what your mom says about your family being there for you and enlarge the circle to everyone who loves you. And that’s a really really big circle. And I also think she’s right that maybe it was needed, that if you didn’t break down, you’d be carrying it around all inside — and that’s no good, because then you’d have all this fear and tears bottled up inside. I say let it all out, over and over and over — this big circle of people who love you (with Ange at the lead, if a circle can have a lead…??) are here for you NO MATTER WHAT. Love love love love you.

  6. Dianna Kamp says:

    so sorry you had such a tough night…thank God for Angelo. So good to see you guys today
    -….you mean the world to us and I hope you have a peaceful, lovely week…see you very soon big hug – love you D-

  7. Sasha says:

    And ditto Jessica and Suzi!

  8. Kendra says:

    I am so so sorry to hear you had to go through this my dear Jennifer. I’m thinking of you today and sending you a HUGE hug. Ditto Jessica – we are here for you my friend.
    Sending love this sunny Monday.

  9. Tina esposito says:

    Sorry Jen. You definitely should not have had to go through that on top of how you feel on your own. Sometimes I feel like maybe I say too much but please know that I am here for you and I as well as all of “the girls” only want you to feel our love! Hoping to get to the big apple next week… Maybe I can bring you and Ang some fresh basil from the garden! 🙂 XOXO Tina

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