to be expected…

I just woke up from an impromptu nap that was the result of this mornings uncontrollable tears.
I am very weepy these days, I’m sure partly due to Elena’s passing and the obvious…that I have cancer.

It happened again as I went to sleep last night too, Ange held me tight, making me take deep breaths to calm me down.
All my darkest thoughts keep flooding to the front. They terrify me. I know this will go away. At least, the heavier emotions, but for now it Hurts.

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10 Responses to to be expected…

  1. Nancy says:

    Oh Jen…I am still scratchin’ or else you know I would be there in a minute – I am even wearing my white pants today (why is that?). You are going through so much and emotions are going to run high and low. Try to focus on all of the positives and good things happening…but it is still healthy to let everything flow out and to the front. Love you and miss you xo
    Itchin’ and Bitchin’ in NYC

  2. Colleen says:

    I am so sorry you are hurting my dearest. But letting it out is a good thing. I am thinking of you always. xo

  3. Annika says:

    I miss you. Can I come see you some time soon? Let me know when you’re up for it.

    So much love,

  4. Michelle says:

    Hearing your tears on the phone broke my heart. BUT it is ok to feel sad and to let it out. We all love you very much and your always on my mind. Xo

  5. Sasha says:

    Oh Jen. Let yourself cry and feel what you have to feel. It hurts. We are all here for you. So many people love you so intensely. I know that doesn’t make it go away but I hope it’s something you can hold onto while you feel all the dark parts. I love you so much. I will call you tomorrow and I can’t wait to see you.

  6. lu says:

    big, gently hugs…i love you

  7. Sasha says:

    Thinking of you. Love you.

  8. lars192 says:

    Okay tell us about your dream this morning.

  9. Katie Chery says:

    Remember when we used to make salad from the plants behind my house? Pick red berries off the front shrubs and squish them? Daring games of murder after dark! Sledding at Alanson’s? Play hi and goodbye? Ride bikes around the block? Remember the year your mom had to work early and you ate breakfast at my house and then we’d walk to the bus stop? Remember water sliding in the valley? Swim lessons with Chip? I think that was his name? Remember coming over to clean my room? And laughing on the subway in Japan? I so needed that laughter!

    I wish I could send *you* exactly what you need right now. Laughter? Hugs? A foot massage? I love you so much. Xxxooo

  10. Leslie says:

    I just saw your blog link from Facebook and am grateful to be able to read it. Thank you for sharing so much. Thoughts are with you and your writing is incredible.

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