Over the last few months I’ve had to rely on others to get through my day. If I want to go for a walk, I have to go with someone else, if I want to go to the corner store, I have to wait for Ange to get home. If I need to get a prescription, I have to wait for Ange or someone else to help me. I don’t think people realize that I am kind of trapped in my own apartment! I know that I am getting better, and I am sooo happy about that, but it’s so hard having to rely so heavily on others. I told Ange its totally stupid, but the only thing I can control is keeping our apartment tidy. (I can’t do everything, but I can do enough to make a difference) So I find myself obsessing on the tidiness because it makes me feel a little bit normal!!
Last night Ange got home, and he was in a good mood and so was I…we chatted away on the couch, took a little nap together, then ordered some dinner (thanks to my sister and brother-n-law).
Everything was going great, then all of a sudden I wanted to burst into tears..I was in the other room, so I didn’t allow the tears to flow..we were having such a nice night, and I was about to ruin it with stupid cancer. I have moments where my life floods in front of me…all the things I can’t have, we can’t have because I have cancer hits me and I don’t know what to do.
I’m crying now, so maybe that’s good because im getting it out..