Im writing this to as I watch my sweet husband asleep in the hospital chairs. I’m not allowed to walk anywhere. The only walking I can do is to the bathroom, but I have to have someone escort me, so I don’t fall, so he stayed.
The past few days have been very difficult. We have 3 different teams following me and they didn’t seem to be communicating. After a second failed attempt at an MRI we had to figure this out. So Ange had a heart to heart with the breast oncology team and it finally seem to sink in that they needed to be running the show and rounding up everyone else. They ordered a cat scan of my left hip because of pain and swelling and they found a 3cm mass. It could be swelling from radiation with cancer cells around it, or cancer with cancer around it. Ange and I are totally freaked out..but trying to remain calm.
This morning I am finally having the MRI. After that they will do a needle biopsy guided by a cat scan to see what the mass is. In the meantime, they are trying to get control of the pain which hasn’t happened yet. But, they promised to get that fixed before I leave. With all this happening, I will be here until mid to end of this week.
Laura changed her flight until tomorrow, so I’m grateful to have the extra few days with her.
Sadly, the last thing to mention is that my hair is falling in small clumps. I just ask my sister to bring my electric razor, so Ange can shave it. Totally bummed.
I’m so glad that you have Angelo. He’s such a wonderful man to complement you, a wonderful woman. Sending you calmness and peace to help you through your day. Sorry about your hair. I can only imagine how difficult that is for you. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
by Erin Santos at Monday, May 2, 2011, 9:27 AM
Crap crap crap! I hate that the past couple of days have been so awful. Mondays are great days in the hospital because everyone finally gets their shit together. Praying for good news on your hip. And remember, I know one little girl that is going to think your new head is awesome. Sending our love…
by Aimee Merendino at Monday, May 2, 2011, 9:37 AM
I am praying for good news for you and Angelo today…I am so glad that you have each other to help you throuhg all this mess. And thank goodness he had “a little chat” with the docs and set them straight. I’m sorry about your hair, you are always beautiful though.
by Lisa Stein at Monday, May 2, 2011, 10:25 AM
I read something today that inspired me – so I am copying it here, as I hope it will be inspirational to you as well – it is entitled Healing….
The well being of our bodies may be temporarily challenged by the appearance of disease, but the body has a marvelous capacity for renewal and restoration. Everything in us reaches toward life, health is our natural state. Faced with the appearance of ill health, we keep our thoughts on healing through affirmations of health and wholeness. The power of positive affirmation from ourselves and from others helps those in need of healing to enter into the rejuvenating stream of life, to be renewed and restored in mind and body. “I am vibrantly alive and healthy. I affirm life. I affirm healing. I affirm that through my belief that anything is possible.” So in addition to sending you my love, I am sending you positive affirmation. My beautiful, strong, witty, sometimes sarcastic and always true to herself Jennifer. I believe that anything is possible. I am sending you my thoughts of healing and good health. I am sending you positive affirmation of you life and your well being. And as always I am sending you love.
by Lu Semenzin at Monday, May 2, 2011, 10:46 AM
love what lisa shared! am so damn frustrated that they havent’ been able to get on top of your pain…at the very least, you should be comfortable. particularly when you are IN THE HOSPITAL, for crying out loud!! hoping today finds answers and comfort for both you and angelo. you need to get out of there if for no other reason than to be reminded how wonderfully comfy your own bed is!! sincerely wishing nothing but healing, comfort and clarity. “health and wholeness…renewal and restoration”. giant hugs to you both.
by Nicole Ricchiuti at Monday, May 2, 2011, 1:12 PM
Jenny, we are always thinking of you and Ange…especially now. I was thinking the same as what someone else said. Since it’s Monday maybe everyone at the hospital will get their shit together and you’ll get some answers and most importantely some relief. I’m glad Laura is staying and that your parents are coming soon. You are certainly in good hands. Hang in there dear cousin…sending you tons of strength and positive energy. xo Niki
by Kathleen Dangerfield at Monday, May 2, 2011, 2:35 PM
Talked to Colleen last night. She loves you so much—not news to you. Thinking of you and Ange moving through your day: hoping everyone of your caregivers is bringing her best attention to you. Then all will see the sign in your eyes, the sign on your chart and the big sign on your door that says strong, vital woman: positive vibes and positive outcomes only!!! Love, Mrs. D.
by Jessica Moser at Monday, May 2, 2011, 9:29 PM
The fact that you can so succinctly and accurately describe the craziness of the past few days just makes me admire you more. Hopefully Ange and you laying down the law will continue to work as it started to last night.
I’m sorry about your hair too, but I have to share that i remember meeting you in group, before I started chemo, and I remember thinking to myself, if this girl can be this beautiful with no hair, there’s hope. Seriously, that is what I thought. And I didn’t even know then how beautiful you are on the inside. (I was just shallow and focused on the outside 😉
Love love love you.
by Nicole Fischer at Monday, May 2, 2011, 10:34 PM
Think of you daily Jen! Your strength is admirable and hold onto Angelo. The two of you sound like incredible forces to reckon with! I hope and pray the pain gets controlled. I still think about our visit in Akron and cherish it, too brief though. Love and strength to you. Nicole
by Annika Kaye at Tuesday, May 3, 2011, 6:54 AM
Thinking of you guys all day every day. Pain pain go away, don’t come back another day. I’m so glad your sister has been with you the past few days. I hope the MRI works out so you can go home to your kitties.
Love you both, Annika and Jon
by Sasha Rau at Tuesday, May 3, 2011, 8:00 AM
I love what Jess wrote. I was taken by your beauty when I first met you and then when you showed me a photo of yourself bald to help me feel less alone. And I also didn’t know yet the extent of your beauty on the inside.
I adore you!
by kisha Johnson at Tuesday, May 3, 2011, 10:49 AM
I remember when I first saw you in group a few years ago…you were sitting on the opposite side of me second from the right. I thought to myself “this girl is beautiful, she must model or something”…soon after I started interacting with you I learned that you were not only beautiful on the outside but on the inside as well. It was because of you I started to try to eat better and exercise. I am in awe of you, I always have been. You are one the strongest women I know and I pray that you start feeling better so you can go home soon. You and Angelo are always in my thoughts……..I love you Jennifer….