Originally Posted 1.21.2011 “Panic”

Yesterday I had a PET/CT scan (the one I get every 3 months) It’s always scary, but I try to squash all my thoughts so I don’t go crazy…
When they inject the dye, it really hurts going in, a hot flash floods the bottom half of your body, and then it fades..well yesterday, after the bottom half flash, it spread to my top half…which scared the crap out of me, “alright” the tech said “21 minutes to go” this through me into a total panic/chlostrophobic attack..all i could imagine was me screaming, “get me out of here” as i would try to inch (scratch) my out of the machine. It’s really strange that this happened since it never has before..
I had to reach way deep down in myself..saying “you can’t get out of here right now..you have to (need to) have these tests done today..think of something else…anything else..oh crap, now im remembering being locked in a closet when i was little..no no…not that though” so i started to count…1…..2….3….slowly i counted to 100…i felt calmer, then i stopped and the panic came back…so i counted for 21 minutes..

next time..i will warn the staff and pop an ativan.

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by Jessica Moser at Friday, January 21, 2011, 4:51 PM

I really really hope you take the time to be proud — that you got yourself through it, that you had the werewithal to dig deep and trust yourself. so very smart, so very brave. love you.

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by Nicole Ricchiuti at Friday, January 21, 2011, 8:13 PM

I wonder if you can get hypnotized so that you don’t panic in this situation. I keep meaning to check it out for my fear of flying. I go through the same panic scenerio…and it’s one of those things that once your thoughts take over it just snowballs.

I like your counting technique. However, did you feel like that was the longest 21 minutes of your life?

You are truly amazing how you get yourself through these situations. I know it’s not easy and my thoughts and prayers are always with you.


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by Sasha Rau at Friday, January 21, 2011, 8:49 PM

Seeing you just minutes afterwards, I would have never known your experience until you told me. And from this description here I see how you were really able to focus your thoughts by counting to control the panic. So skillful. Nonetheless, it sounds terrifying and I’m glad I got witness you enjoying warm soup afterwards… And I hope the dinner pancakes were good!

hero… (reply to this | Edit | Delete)
by Lu Semenzin at Friday, January 21, 2011, 9:46 PM

so proud of you and your bravery! having had many mri’s with contrast, i know that dye feeling… i always felt like i was going to pee my pants! gratefully i never had a full on panic attack, though i can totally see how that would happen. i just wanted to tell you how truly inspired i am by you and your bravery. you are facing this bitch head on, and that takes guts and fortitude and a hell of a lot of courage…bet you didn’t know you had! maybe you dont’ even believe you have it some days, but it keeps showing up here in your posts..i think you are brilliant. brilliant and beautiful and brave and beyond measure…you go get ’em, girl. praying for good news…

the closet (reply to this | Edit | Delete)
by Katie Chery at Saturday, January 22, 2011, 7:08 AM

I think I may have had something to do with that closet…

You are remarkable–such courage and strength. Wonderful job making it through that. I love you.

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by Jennifer Merendino at Saturday, January 22, 2011, 4:49 PM

Thanks lovely ladies… So very sweet.
Katie…the best part was I could have gotten out but didn’t think to try the knob.. Wasn’t your fault:)

Today (reply to this | Edit | Delete)
by Camille & Larry Wise at Monday, January 24, 2011, 6:23 AM

Praying for positive news for you.

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