Originally Posted 9.21.2010 “the downs”

its crazy how quickly sadness can fall over me..
it feels like a heavy weight..im tired, (exhausted really) just want to go home and go to bed..
my empire dragon boat race on saturday gave me some crazy mood swings..we won our first race and i felt really happy, then in our next race i wasn’t able to finish without stopping 3 times..my arm was exhausted..when we finished i was sobbing like a baby..my body had given up on me..i suddenly had lost control..i wanted it to work and it wouldnt..

im still sitting with those feelings, which are also bringing up everything all at once..

send me good thoughts..


The Downs (reply to this | Edit | Delete)
by Camille & Larry Wise at Tuesday, September 21, 2010, 1:06 PM

Jennifer, of course you were tired. Who wouldn’t after taking all of the medicines you take and then go through the exercise that you do then go through the one race and feel like you have to do two or three? Even someone without the pills etc. would have a hard time. Just try not to be so hard on your self. Think of the weekend you spent in Maine. I can’t imagine how that felt. Why don’t you go to the park on the way home and look at the beauty of nature and enjoy the good vibes Mother /Nature provides us. Hang in there Bumper.

Love You

You Rock (reply to this | Edit | Delete)
by Margaret Herring at Tuesday, September 21, 2010, 1:20 PM

There was just an article in the paper about a new dragon boat being blessed here…so now there are 2 teams. The article described how these women train and I’m here to tell you that I don’t have cancer and they would kick my A** any day of the week. You are so strong even on the days you aren’t. Love you.

(reply to this | Edit | Delete)
by Alyce Wagner at Tuesday, September 21, 2010, 2:35 PM

I have no idea what you are going through really. All I can say is that you are ONE HELL OF A WOMAN and don’t you forget it!!! Just the fact that you completed one race and won is truly amazing. Most people your age that are not on medication and fighting to beat a nasty disease couldn’t come close to doing that.
I agree with your Dad. Take some time to seek the inner peace you felt while you were away in the Berkshires. Give yourself a pat (or several) on the back for the things that have done. Know that I love you and always have you in my thoughts.

(reply to this | Edit | Delete)
by Anne Bickett at Tuesday, September 21, 2010, 4:55 PM

I wish I had some magic words that could comfort you; I don’t. I will tell you that last weekend Uncle Bill and I went apple picking. We were very close to the grotto at St. Joe, so we stopped, lit a candle, and said a prayer. My prayer always includes you. I talked to Grandma, Grandpa, and Uncle Paul, and I felt a real sense of peace, which I have not felt in months. it was almost as if they were telling me to just chill out and trust that everything would be okay. Part of my prayer was answered the very next day. I hope your portion of my prayer is answered soon and that you feel the comfort that I felt. I know Uncle Paul went to the grotto to pray when he was sick; his presence was so strong that I really do want to return – and I will. And, once again, i will pray that you continue to find the peace and strength you need to fight your battle. We love you, Jenny!
Aunt Anne

RE: (reply to this | Edit | Delete)
by Jennifer Merendino at Wednesday, September 22, 2010, 7:47 AM

Aunt Anne,
I would love a picture of that grotto..Can you take one next time you are there??

(reply to this | Edit | Delete)
by Sasha Rau at Wednesday, September 22, 2010, 6:46 AM

I understand why the race brought up so much. And why you’re still sitting with it. I am sending you all the good thoughts possible. I love you so much and will do anything you need… xoxo

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