i had my simulation for radiation..it was very emotional for me..i came home later and lost it..tears flowed..there was drama about drawing blood because they aren’t supposed to use my right arm, where i had the 22 lymph nodes removed..and now that my left has lymphedema that is supposed to be off limits too (when i had my surgery they used my foot for the iv) (i had a cat scan last week, (because ive been having some breathing problems) and they had to use my left arm, and now it is inflamed even more..so yesterday i was so upset because they were unable to use my foot or my left so they used the right..i cried..im so scared of lymphedema..i don’t want it in both..they assured me that it was a small needle and they only took half of a vile..so i hope its ok..then off to the room where they made a mold of my body and marked me all up with marker, made the tatoos (by pricking me with a needle and shoving ink inside) did some more cat scans and then simulated the radiation..lights flying around the room, and its not that its so upsetting being there because the people are amazing..i just still cant believe that its me in that room, that i had cancer..that the bald girl in the mirror is me..that i went through chemo..im overwhelmed with sadness at the moment..
by Alyce Wagner at Thursday, September 11, 2008, 7:28 PM
It makes me sad that you have had to go through all of this. I hate cancer. I tell everyone I know that it hate it. I hate what it does to people. I hate what it does to families. It is a disgusting disease. I feel so badly that you have had to go through all of this. It is sooooo hard to understand. BUT I am glad that you can express yourself the way you do to all of us. It helps us to know what you are going through – good or bad. Please know that you are loved, cared about and throught of every day. Please continue to fight!
by Lu Semenzin at Thursday, September 11, 2008, 10:10 PM
hi jennifer…i wish every one of us could be standing in that room with you, holding on to you so that we could try to absorb some of your fear and sadness and anger…possibly replacing it with all the love we feel for you. i will be in nyc in less than a week!! whatever you need, while i’m there, its yours. if what you need is space, i can respect that. if what you need is every minute i’ve got, its yours. (i’d gladly send angelo to the yankees vs white sox game in my place!!) all my heart to you tonight, friend.
ps i hate cancer too, alyce!!